storm

this storm has been brewing over the last couple days.

i could feel it in me too...

this storm, just waiting to pour out of me,   

leading up to jack's 5 year anniversary.  

5 years ago december 9.  

it still takes my breath away. every time i think of him.

jack benjamin nash

ben and i were talking about our son last night.

we are different people because of him.

we feel deeper...with an intensity that i did not know before jack.

  

we remembered each event...named family and friends who stood beside us.

there were more tears with each person named.

we have been so blessed by you. that you continue to walk

 beside us in this open wound of ours.

we have been loved well.  we feel full...to the brim. 

even with this ongoing ache.  

i know full well, that is due to our Lord in our life...

{and i will put a big thank-you Jesus in here}

without His comfort and care, 

i'm not sure i would have survived without complete bitterness.

and, it is also due to you who have walked through 

the valley of the shadow of death with us.  

it is not always a beautiful, happy, 

easy place to be...beside someone who bears grief.

..plenty of patience needed for the awkward, uneasy, messy moments.

thank you, thank you for loving us well through each one- 

for allowing healing to take

place without putting an expiration date on it.

so, this morning, my tears are for jack...missing him terribly.

i am also overwhelmed with the outpouring of love that

we continue to experience. 

 it is humbling.  and, i am oh so grateful.

thank you.

my candle is lit...in remembrance of our son.

jack benjamin nash

for the heart never forgets.

 

thanksgiving feast

it was a bit early for a pow-wow for this little indian...

but, after hunting for a few "churkeys"

...she went off to school

and enjoyed a feast that mrs. decker

prepared for the class!

hostess gifts...or maybe a little something for yourself!

so, i happened upon this website and

i could not resist posting this

little designer

flask!

she's called pink asian and isn't she lovely?!

i think i would display her on my mantle...

she is that fantastic!

and...jeweled-out red...
this little gem is a mere $10!

a perfect gift for your hostess this

holiday season...it is even glazed with

a mercury patina inside to give off the perfect

vintage glow.

who couldn't use another clipboard?

i think i have 7...but, who's counting really?

and for $12? yes please!

this is my personal fav!

ahem..

{mom..if you are reading this}

stocking stuffer perhaps?
i'm kidding...no really, i am..

she's $18. a bit indulgent-maybe

...but then again, it's christmas!

indulge a little!

soul of the rose gifts

drops like stars...

i have been profoundly impacted by my dear friend, heather and her story.  

her life.  her authentic self.

she and her husband have 4 children under the age of 4.  

one of her twin daughters suffered significant brain damage at birth.

life has significantly changed in their home.

i was able to sit across from her this morning at panera and listen to new parts of her story.  

not pretty parts.

indescribably difficult, painful parts.  the kind of parts where

the words that start to describe it can do nothing else but take your

breath away.  

as i listened and grieved these new parts with her...in my mind i wanted

to insulate her...protect her from feeling any more of this ache.  and it 

hit me that if that was even possible, it would keep her from experiencing

some of the most intimate moments that she has had with her Savior.

i saw the most beautiful in her.  

she, in the midst of her sorrow was shining.

{and not the kind that is trying to be -optimistic, positive--blah!}  

it was a true shining all the way through. 

it permeated her.  

and i realized it was because i was seeing the Most High.  

i saw that He was meeting her where she was at...and she was letting Him.

i saw the genuine and the real alongside

seeing the most painful parts that she and her husband are now walking through. 

  

i guess that is why i am up writing this at 4:00 in the morning.  

i couldn't sleep-not without doing something

about my experience today...i couldn't let it go unnoted. 

she lent me this book...drops like stars by rob bell.  she mentioned that it was like a coffee table-kind-of-book and it would take no less than 30 minutes to read.

as soon as i got home, i opened it and read it.  

i couldn't put it down.  i gave it to ben and he said the same thing.

we could relate to it on so many different

levels.  

it is the most accurate to placing words and 

experiences to suffering and loss that i have ever come across.

if you are finding yourself in a place of suffering, or know someone else who is..this book may be a great gift for

you or someone you care about.

more expressive art...

indy is one of the most patient creatures i know

when it comes to dogs and children.

i love how she surrenders herself into the hands of my 3 1/2 year old.

i also love the looks she gives me as i try to capture moments like these!

...maybe we should call this one

{mobile sticker art}

wonder of little wonders...

i am truly documenting this more for myself, rather than spreading some sort of fantastic news...especially to those of you who have children that are older than 3.

because for you, this may be standard-old-hat kind of stuff.

but for me...it is a wonder!

olivia is beginning to draw letters...recognize numbers...

and i'm starting to understand her drawings.

tonight in the bathtub...she was drawing faces on the walls of the tub. i was literally so exhausted from the day, that i was stretched out on the bathroom floor just waiting for tub time to be finished! all the while, my little picasso was drawing little people and a helicopter on the tub walls...{with tub crayons} once her masterpiece was complete...she started squealing, "look mommy...it's little people and this is their helicopter!" i obliged her, saying, "yes liv...they are really cute." she was so thrilled that i had to take a closer look. she really had drawn little people with 2 eyes, a nose & mouth inside their faces...and they had legs- 3 of them...we'll have to work on that. at any rate, soon we were both squealing!

{this last image is her helicopter}

i wondered when this time would come.
when i would be able to make something out of her little creations. it's amazing how much more connected i feel to her...just by being able to decipher her expression of art.

what a moment it turned out to be!