Tuesday, December 8, 2009


this storm has been brewing over the last couple days.
i could feel it in me too...
this storm, just waiting to pour out of me,   
leading up to jack's 5 year anniversary.  
5 years ago december 9.  
it still takes my breath away. every time i think of him.
jack benjamin nash
ben and i were talking about our son last night.
we are different people because of him.
we feel deeper...with an intensity that i did not know before jack.

we remembered each event...named family and friends who stood beside us.
there were more tears with each person named.
we have been so blessed by you. that you continue to walk
 beside us in this open wound of ours.
we have been loved well.  we feel full...to the brim. 
even with this ongoing ache.  
i know full well, that is due to our Lord in our life...
{and i will put a big thank-you Jesus in here}
without His comfort and care, 
i'm not sure i would have survived without complete bitterness.
and, it is also due to you who have walked through 
the valley of the shadow of death with us.  
it is not always a beautiful, happy, 
easy place to be...beside someone who bears grief.
..plenty of patience needed for the awkward, uneasy, messy moments.
thank you, thank you for loving us well through each one- 
for allowing healing to take
place without putting an expiration date on it.

so, this morning, my tears are for jack...missing him terribly.

i am also overwhelmed with the outpouring of love that
we continue to experience. 
 it is humbling.  and, i am oh so grateful.
thank you.

my candle is lit...in remembrance of our son.
jack benjamin nash
for the heart never forgets.



The Traynors said...

Thank you for sharing this. And for the beautiful picture. I love looking at it - all the love and sorrow wrapped together. You are so strong for being willing to share this with us. Why you must bear this sorrow (when we were so close to being there ourselves) - I don't know. I hug my little ones more tightly tonight.

Lisa Kae Ruff said...

It is so good to hear your heart. Your spirit speaks so loudly of truth and wisdom. You are an AMAZING person, and an amazing mom...I hurt for you and Ben and join you in your sorrow....and am glad you are blessed with such a tremendous amount of family and friends who travel with you on your life journey. Thanks for sharing.

Becky said...