Tuesday, November 29, 2011

grocery store christmas trees -holla!

i have so many thoughts tumbling around in my head.
i so need to get organized.
i am organized...in my mind.
and then, i come back to reality and i run in a thousand
different directions...starting up mini-projects here and there,
envisioning sugar plum fairies decorating my un-decorated tree,
{can they do that?  because if they can...}
writing thank you notes to some dear dear family & friends that
thought of the perfect gifts for my olivia as we celebrated her 6th birthday.
picking up laundry, dishes...the list goes onNn..

the reality list.

an unlit tree, 
dirty laundry,
cluttered kitchen,
opened birthday gifts scattered...EVERYWHERE. 
unwritten thank you's
**i'm interupting this downer for a shout
out to my fairy godmother..if i have one...
could you please send a magic wand for christmas? 
 no, seriously, pleeeEase...**

okay, enough with the whinefest.  
our christmas tree is what got me thinking
and i have a tiny confession...
we bought our tree at kingmas.
ouch!  it hurts to even type it.
yep, first time/long time that we haven't hauled our bodies 
down to hart's tree farm to select the best of the best.
there is nothing like cutting down a fresh tree, one nash at a time.
yes, ben let's us join in on smelling the earth and the inside of the stump of the tree
 as we saw our hearts out. 
 **we let him have the last cut because no one yells timberrrrr like he does!

anyway-letting go of this tradition (for this year) was super duper hard for this girl.
i really get into it.  besides my sawing-bit...
i document the entire process and use the photos as part of our ornaments
each year so that our tree tells a story.

i'm also realizing that we have no place in our beautiful rental to hang stockings.
so, i need to get creative.  i really wanted to whine some more here...

until i came across this sparrow.
i got this in memory of sweet little bailey hope.  
she taught me over a year and a half ago about slowing down.
pacing myself.  
that perfection isn't all that pretty.
so, i am settling in to these thoughts again of sitting still enough
to have an 'unperfect' or is it imperfect (: christmas.
to have images of last year's tromp for the tree instead of this year's.
to have stockings hung on our windows instead of a beautiful fireplace mantle.
to have my desk be a little more cluttered with christmas cheer 
than i normally would like for it to be.
to listen and to hear the sounds that i would miss if i didn't slow down
and maybe settle for this little christmas tree and the lesson it has for me.

the sounds i love the most this season come from my children...
it's will's uncontrollable laugh
and mini-speeches that he makes when he is quite hungry.
and hearing olivia's imagination come to life.

today, she is playing with her manger scene-
asking Jesus not to grow up and die
on the cross for our sins.  
asking Him if there is another way.  
it is so precious to me that her heart loves Him that much.

do i?  
do i stop and take time to truly thank him for his sacrifice?
yes. i do.
do my actions and my words drip gratitude.
nope.  they don't.
again, not striving for perfection...but for a place where gratitude comes 
from an unlikely christmas tree and a sparrow that has taught me
more than she will ever know.

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